whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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