Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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