last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
