Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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