Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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