I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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