miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
