If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
