I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
