HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
