please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
