Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
