you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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