I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
