mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
