I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
