Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
