I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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