this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
