your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
