I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
