Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
