He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
