just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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