I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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