Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
