Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This toilet bowl is my home.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
