well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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