WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
