I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
