Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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