She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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