come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
