it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
