Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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