Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
