how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
