Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
