I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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