Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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