I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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