Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
