I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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