Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
