Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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