are you so shy because you have an std?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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