thus making me awesome and them whores
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
