I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
