There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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