So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
