i love accidental penises.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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