just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
