pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
