to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
