we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
