You smell like stripper and shame
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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