I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
